I’m rediscovering the world and myself since my autism diagnosis. Learning a lot about Autism (still a lot to learn) and finding that lots of my little quirks are often ‘Symptoms’ of Autism. I think i made need to change the name of my blog, as its no longer a road to recovery. I had thought that I had nervous breakdown in 2013 and have been trying to get back to how i was before then. Since my diagnosis I’ve discovered that how i was being and reacting to a lot of things in life was me ‘masking’ or ‘camouflaging’.

I’ve always known that I see the world differently to others and previously when i have said things I’ve either been ridiculed or put down. So haven’t said anything for years and copied how other people react, but now I need to learn myself and the world all over again and to accept and allow myself to feel the way I do.

So Maybe it I should rename my blog “Rediscovering the world” or “Me and Autism”, “My autism journey”.

I should have my final autism assessment by July 2018. Which will make it a year and a half to fully, pin down the challenges and hardships I face, hopefully making things a bit easier.


Autism Diagnosis

Since my nervous breakdown in 2013, I have been visiting the GP, going to counselling and even had a number of unexpected trips to Hospital. They seem to be finding more and more things wrong with me. First it was anxiety, depression and PTSD. Then they discovered I was partially deaf and classed as hard of hearing, requiring me to have 2 hearing aids fitted. During my numerous counselling sessions it was suggested more than once that I might autistic.

Last week I was officially diagnosed as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I’m still trying to come to terms with it and what it all means. I am still awaiting the full report from the autism assessor and hopefully this will either answer some of my questions or put me in touch with people who can help answer them.

– Majority of Autistic people suffer from Anxiety and depression. So is how I’ve felt since 2013 part of my Autism Spectrum Disorder or are they in addition to it?

– Most autistic people are diagnosed when they are children, I’m in my mid thirties, apparently dyslexia is a common misdiagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed as dyslexic in 1998, so am I still dyslexic or has this been misdiagnosed?

– I have been reading and chatting to people who have been diagnosed with ASD later in life and they have said that their life changed and really began after their diagnosis. So will mine change and if so how?

– Are my physical disabilities part of ASD?

It is a big change and huge learning curve. For someone like me who isn’t always sure of his feelings to start with it’ll take time to adjust and time for it all to sink in. I’m relieved that they found something and it wasn’t me just going mad, but. at the same time I’m sad, scared and angry. Really is a jumble of all emotions. Apparently grief is an expected emotion after this diagnosis, but I’m not quite sure why, no one has died, I’m still the same person I was.


listed below are some things that are very familiar to me when I was looking through the autism website. I just thought everyone felt this way, didn’t realise it wasn’t normal.

Has difficulty getting to sleep as sensitive to the light.

May only hear sounds in one ear, the other ear having only partial hearing or none at all.

Noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled.
Inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, leading to difficulties concentrating.

Certain textures cause discomfort

Has a high pain threshold.
Enjoys heavy objects (eg weighted blankets) on top of them.

Touch can be painful and uncomfortable – people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others.
Dislikes having anything on hands or feet.
Difficulties brushing and washing hair because head is sensitive.
May find many food textures uncomfortable.
Only tolerates certain types of clothing or textures.

A need to rock, swing or spin to get some sensory input.

Difficulties with activities like sport, where we need to control our movements.
Difficulties stopping quickly or during an activity.
Difficulties with activities where the head is not upright or feet are off the grou‏nd.

Losing grip on reality

I feel am losing my grip on reality. I just don’t seem to know what is real or what i have dreamed / made up / imagined. It’s a bizarre feeling. I seem to have lost the ability to put things in chronological order / timescale. Things that happened weeks ago seem like yesterday and things that happened today/yesterday seem to be from weeks ago. I don’t know if this is a coping mechanism or something else. Am getting confused with things that have actually happened and things that i have dreamt and imagined. I know i’m not losing my mind but my mind just seems to be a lot more jumbled than it normally is.

I Struggle with getting things done, always thinking I’ve got plenty of time to do it and then realising that i don’t. I’m stressed and worried because i feel like i have so much going on at the moment and in reality when sitting down and working it out, its not a lot 2 or 3 big things and there’s nothing i can do straight away its waiting for appointments or waiting for the correct time to arrive. When I was ‘well’ before my breakdown, i was working as well as coping with everything else and now i cant seem to 2 or 3 things. It is so depressing and humiliating. I know i’m unwell and not in great health but it just feels wrong and makes me feel guilty and makes me feel like a failure and i’m letting everyone and the world down. I didn’t ask to be Ill and don’t like asking for help, but know i’m struggling. It’s very difficult to ask for help as i don’t know what help is needed/required or what is available.

I’ve recently restarted counselling and this may be what has thrown me out of whack lately as we did talk about a number of different things in-depth. Its scary being scared of everything and talking about it as it really does make you think you, you are crazy.

On the flip side there has been some good things happening.

  • Restarted counselling, I know its small steps and its working on one problem at a time, but anything is better than just stopping and doing nothing.
  • Under going tests for Autism It’s not another thing I suffer from, but a solution or answer to why and how i react / think of things. And so far things are making a lot more sense in regards to this. Have only had one diagnosis session so far and the result was that i have autistic traits in all 4 areas.

Starting Treatment

Well I’ve started having treatment through Healthy minds Bury. Only had one session so far.

Since my Breakdown in 2013 I’ve been asking and asking my GP and any mental health workers I come into contact with. Asking and sometimes pleading to have someone to talk to, someone i can discuss what happened, what i was feeling at the time, but no-one seems to want to listen to me. Everyone seems to want me to do CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy). In order to help treat and manage my anxiety, depression, PTSD symptoms. Which in time would help. however i cant shift the feeling that i cant work on controlling my symptoms until I understand whats causing it. I cannot go forward until i go back.

Healthy Minds Bury are doing a CBT treatment course with me. And i’ll be honest i’m not sure. I’ll give it a go and back it 100% but its not what i asked for and kinda think the problems will continue afterwards. I’ll only be getting six sessions, lasting 30 minutes each every 2 weeks. I Know the NHS is stretched and Mental Health services are not that well funded, but do think this is a little poor. People like myself who have “imploded” and have numerous issues are kind of stuck. You can only focus on one thing at a time, then you have to have a pause after the sessions have finished to give time for what you’ve learnt to sink in and for you to adjust, before you can start the next issue.

With the amount of issues i’m currently facing, its difficult to establish which symptoms i’m having is physical or mental health related, this is how i found out i had badly damaged my hearing. With so many different symptoms some of which overlap its difficult to try and focus on one particular issue.

It’s taken me almost 3 years to get some help and this is only one step. A very long road ahead.


Flashback Re-emergence

After having my breakdown in 2013 I had loads of flashbacks due to PTSD. Almost all of them were me ‘flashing’ back to the Time that Greater Manchester Police were in the flat, The Hi-viz jackets they wore were so visible in the flashbacks. I had some Therapy in 2014 which used an NLP approach to help me deal with the flashbacks caused by PTSD. It really did help and I had thought I had gotten a handle on it, however they have re-emerged this week.


The trigger this week was due to Greater Manchester Police turning up at the flat again. (Nothing as serious as 2013) but it brought all the memories back again and the flashbacks. The flashbacks are a mixture of the 2013 events and this weeks, yet again the officers hi-viz clothing is extremely vivid.

I Have been so anxious and shaky since they turned up. Just as I thought I was getting somewhere, something simple throws me back.


No more fight left

I feel so guilty. Guilty that I cannot fight and beat this depression, anxiety and PTSD. Guilty of the effects it’s having not only on me but on friends and family. I feel guilty asking for help, others get along by themselves, so why can’t I bounce back. Why is life so difficult? I feel guilty for saying how I really feel and worry about the effects it’ll have on others.


I hate having money troubles, struggling to get by just to buy food and pay the bills. I wish I could be back at work earning money, rather than surviving on handouts. Have stripped back as much as I can. Can’t go out as unable to afford things. Can’t see family as much I’d like due to costs of train fares. The money worries keep me awake at night and increase my anxiety ten fold.


Here’s hoping for a cure  and an end to mental health sufferers globally. It happens so quick you fall apart completely and yet takes years if ever to become ‘normal’ again. I’ll never get back to who I was before my breakdown, that has been taken from me. Trust that can no longer be restored. Have found I’m more cynical of everything, as before I used to see the good in everything and everyone. I just get that sinking feeling, another battle, another fight. I’ve been so strong and fighting so hard, I feel there’s no more fight left in me.


Unsettled nights….

Since my breakdown in 2013, I had huge sleeping issues. Loads of nightmares and Flashbacks (PTSD) and really wasnt sleeping. I went for counselling in 2014 and we used an NLP approach (Neuro-linguistic programming), to try and get rid/reduce the unsettled nights. It worked the nightmares and flashbacks have ‘stopped’ and i’m no longing waking up in panic.

But it seems to have had a different side effects. I still appear to be having nightmares but the NLP approach stops me remembering them, which stops me waking up in panic. But lately I’ve been waking feeling very anxious and i’m not getting great sleep, lots of tossing and turning. Because i cant remember them, I don’t know what’s caused the anxiety so i can’t fight it or overcome it. Just have to put it down to nightmares and carry on.

Although the NLP approach has helped to stop the panic attacks and is allowing me to get some sleep, I don’t really know how to over come the current issues. Hopefully as treatment continues (on waiting list for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), it will help address these issues. Positive thinking anyway.




Been feeling very lost lately. Still having trouble planning for the future and my social anxiety seems to be getting worse. I don’t feel safe or comfortable going out the flat. Not sure where its come from. A Lot of it predictably is in my head, feel i’m being judged by everyone and i feel some how that i’ve got a big label hanging over me saying “Hes nuts, stay away.”

Have a lot of support on facebook, twitter and other sites i’m on across the internet. A Lot of people wanting to meet me and say hello. I’ve never been great at ‘first contacts’ and with my anxiety since my breakdown its a huge barrier. I would love to meet some people and get out more, its just trying to cross that barrier that’s difficult. I’m still on a waiting list for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which has been months, hopefully will be able to chase it with the GP this week.

My Left knee has been acting up again. I had it reconstructed in 2010 and its been pretty good, but think it dislocated and popped back in, bruising and swelling suggests this too, GP’s given me lots of pain meds, but yet another barrier to getting out as i cant bear weight on it.

On the positive side of things during the late May bank holiday, i went with my BF and parents to Liverpool to see Cunards 150 Year anniversary 3 Queens event. Over 1 million people descended on Liverpool. There were crowds everywhere and tbh i didn’t cope great. Think i was able to mask a lot of it. but got to the stage where everyone was concerned and knew it was causing me issues (except for the crowd stewards who refused to help u, when we needed it).


Feeling Overwhelmed..

Am Feeling so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Just feel like crying.

I Haven’t slept properly in over a week, When i wake up i’m in a highly anxious state. So Much trapped wind as stomach wont settle. Causing me to have burping fits, this is bringing up stomach acid and giving me a sore throat. I’m sweating profusely all the time.

Christmas is meant to be a happy joyous time and at the moment its totally stressing me out. I Wanna do so much and cant. I didn’t get to enjoy Christmas last year due to my breakdown and had hoped to make this year extra special to make up for it and all my plans are falling apart and i’m right near to the end of my tether of saying “F*ck it” and calling everything off as it’ll be easier and less stressful. The same feeling i had last year and i don’t wanna do it. Its the small things that are getting to me. Waiting on presents to arrive and worrying they wont arrive in time and Money worries.

Got a lot of things coming up which we have been working to, Complaint to Greater Manchester Police about the lack of duty of care and the events of last november. Waiting to here if i qualify for Concessionary Travel in manchester with my health issues. And trying to sort out plans for Christmas and New Year.

Its all small little things that are mounting up and cause a big issue.

Just don’t know where to go or what to do.


Christmas is Coming!



Due to events and my Breakdown last November (2013), Christmas was a very muted event. Did not have the Christmas Spirit at all, and celebrations were very limited on my normal Christmas time festivities. Normally i’m counting down through out the year as Christmas is my favourite time of year, but this year I really couldn’t face or plan for Christmas. But now the clocks have gone back, and seeing the Christmas Stuff appearing in shops, My Christmas Spirit is coming back.

Certainly getting better, Little steps, but progress all the same! Am Starting to plan ahead too!




Counseling Continues…

Since my breakdown have been struggling with a lot of things. I was referred to Counseling through my GP. I Had an assessment with the Mental Health team where i live and we agreed that the Sleeping issues and Flashbacks were the first priority. I wasn’t sleeping at all. And this mean me very tired, no motivation and making me very depressed. I couldn’t sort anything out until my sleep had been either sorted or at least helped with it. I was offered Counseling from the Mental team and agreed a course of treatment – Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as an approach to coping with the flashbacks and nightmares. As per the current rules, i had a maximum of 6 sessions booked for me, to go through the steps to the road to recovery.

Gotta say it had been great and worked really well, My Counselor is great. The NLP approach has helped me to get rid of the flashbacks and reduce the amount of nightmares. All the nightmares related to the November incident i can now control and I’m not in such a state waking up. I can actually fall back to sleep (most times) after having a nightmare.

I’m still having nightmares but no where as severe as they were and still having lots of trouble sleeping. I have discussed the thoughts and reasons around why this is affected me and we have come to the conclusion that its now the Anxiety disorder which is now the main thing.  A lot of the nightmares and trouble sleeping are now down to being in a constant anxious state. The Counselor feels that we have completed and done everything to resolve the nightmares and flashbacks and its now time to look at the next treatment. At the moment the way the Mental Health service works is that you are first referred by your GP, you have an Assessment and are allotted up to a maximum of 6 sessions. They Will only focus at one particular issue at a time. (So as i have multiple Mental health issues, i would need to be referred multiple times.) Once you have finished with the 6 session you will need to wait at least 6 weeks before starting any new sessions.

I had my 6th session on Friday, however my counselor wasn’t happy to discharge me from her care. I have been described as an ‘An at risk Adult’ and ‘A vulnerable person in my current state.’ As we have reached the maximum number of sessions, she had to discuss my case with her Manager. They have both agreed to continue the Counseling on an ongoing basis and they are unhappy for me to be discharged from the Mental Health team and counseling at this stage. Mainly due to the risks involved, but also because of the relationship and trust that i had built with my counseling and she feels were are making progress together and that if i was discharged. The things might get, worse and may slip back into old habits and undo the good work. So will start working now on the Anxiety.  [whohit]Counceling-continues[/whohit]

So both good and bad news. Good news is that i wont have a break in terms of my therapy and wont have to change counselors. This means i should hopefully be able recover and move on with my life after my breakdown. The bad side to it is that I’m still so unwell they wont discharge me.

Confidence V Risk Taking

Well Since my breakdown in November, I have started to realize that the world i create in my mind and the things i image happening are a lot more worse and scary then real life itself. I Have found myself wanting to do things that i would have before said was too dangerous or stupid to do. What i deem stupid and dangerous is quite different to everyone else. I haven’t had the best confidence, and have had other health issues (knees) which have restricted some of the activities i would have liked to do.

I have noticed a trending of me wanting to do more things that are out of my comfort zone. Is this because i have a new found confidence that the world isn’t as scary as it used to me. Or is it me just taking more risks, cause I’m in the what the hell mood, nothing can be as worse as what I’ve already experienced.

It could be both a boost to me confidence as well as more risk taking. I’m not planning on doing anything silly, but more open to ideas now than i was before ( See my Bucket List). Incresed risk taking esp, with my mental health issues are a worry, but its also something that is well known and documented with people who have PTSD and Depression. As for the increased confidence i think this is more that i ahve realized in myself that The Reality of the world is not as scary as what my mind can produce. Then again i’m still scared and have no confidence going out, another symptom of my Anxiety Disorder.  [whohit]Confidence-V-Risk-Taking[/whohit]

Sleeping Issues

Been having a huge amount of Sleeping problems since the events in November 2013. I used to struggle to function if i didn’t get a good 7 or 8 hours of sleep a night, would wake up grumpy and tired if i didn’t. But for the past 10 Months I’d be lucky to get 6 hours a night. And even then its not full restful sleep. Its unbroken and difficult. Although on the plus side do get to see some lovely Sunrises over Manchester as I’m still awake as the sun comes up (chance for a Twitter or Facebook upload).

Suffering from lack of sleep is horrible. It brings your mood down, you cant concentrate on anything. Everything is so much effort and there is just no motivation at all to do anything.

I’ve been having Counseling through Bury IAPT services for the past 3 or 4 months to help with my flashbacks and nightmares that started after my breakdown.  This has helped to control my nightmares and Flashbacks but they still appear from time to time, Classic symptoms of PTSD. The main flashback that troubles me is one of the memories i had when Greater Manchester Police (GMP), first came to the flat and made me think that my Fiancee and love of my love had died. Its of a police officer that was stood in my the flat. in a certain stance, he was wearing full police uniform including high-vis jacket. And had his arms up holding onto the top of his stab vest. This image haunts me. The Police tell me Officers stand like that cause its more comfortable as the stab vest and equipment they have is uncomfortable. But i saw it as a very aggressive stance. It looks like his fists were up and ready for a fight and he was ready to launch at me any moment.

The Nightmares are truly awful, waking up covered in sweat, heart pounding, jumping up and screaming. The nightmares although were different in scene setting, people in them but there are 3 main themes which keeping troubling me and keep coming up time and time again. The first one is seeing Police in my nightmares, this would start of my anxiety/panic attacks and after waking i wouldn’t have a chance of getting back to sleep. On numerous occasions the Nightmare of the Police raiding the flat or me opening the door to see a policeman there, would require me to get dressed and walk around the block to confirm that there are no Police nearby, this sometimes stops the panic attacks but rarely stops the anxiety attacks. The policeman is always the same, same face, doesn’t matter what I’m dreaming about he’ll walk my nightmares to find me. The second theme again stems from the PTSD and the thought that my other half had died. In the nightmares I’m loosing someone close to me. friends, family the person who dies or goes missing is always different but the emotions and feeling of loss just brings me back to the way GMP left me in November after the first visit they paid me. The emotion and feeling of loss is huge and very dark, Some very dark places and thoughts come after these nightmares. The 3rd theme is quite simply fear. Just being afraid scared of everything and anyone, again down to GMP and me loosing my ‘safety net’, no-one is there to help or protect me and this leaves me feeling very alone, very vulnerable and very scared.

At the moment i have no sleep routine, I sleep when i can and when needed. I still try and go to bed and sleep but normally just lie there for hours in between 20 minute power naps. I’m constantly tired and not through lack of trying to sleep. Back in December the GP put me on medication (Zopiclone), some strong sleeping tablets. I was only allowed that one prescription of it (28 tablets) due to them being addictive. They did allow me to sleep for a good uninterrupted, restful time.

Although the flashbacks and nightmares have improved with the help of counseling. Its not just the sleeping that’s an issue. My Anxiety disorder is next on the list that i need to get help for. I’m actually scared/worried of waking up. As silly as it sounds, but when I’m asleep, no one can hurt me. There is less people about at night and generally less noise so allows me to get things done and completed without jumping at every noise from outside or elsewhere in the building. In November the 2 days the Police arrived at the flat they woke me up and got me out of bed. So I’m extremely anxious in the mornings. This could be why i stay up all night before going to sleep when the sun comes out. Then again when my Partner Mike was having his flashbacks/rough/dark times they generally were at night. So I’m not sleeping as heavily as i was to listen out to keep me eye on him.

So really my Sleeping issues are a mess. And that’s just the mental health side of things troubling me when i try to sleep. Not to mention the back or knee pains.  [whohit]Sleeping-issues[/whohit]

Bucket Lists?

Are bucket lists a good idea?

I’ve been debating to make one or not. I haven’t been well for a while and during the darker times been suicidal.  So is creating a bucket list a reason to live to accomplish the list or a morbid thought of death, and what then happens if i ever get to complete my list?

There are lots of things i would like to do or try and creating a bucket might help me to do this as people may see it and get in touch. It’d give me something to look forward to, something to build myself up for and would help get me out the flat. Since the breakdown I’ve started to realize that real life isn’t as scary as the thoughts in my head. I don’t know if that’s new found confidence or just a ‘What the hell to the risks.’

On searching the internet there are hundreds of thousands of bucket lists out there each person creating there own individual lists. Although somethings that would go on my list I’d doubt I’ll ever be given the opportunity to do and other things may seem simple and easy for some would be a challenge or a personal goal for me. I don’t have the best confidence ever in fact would rather hide away from things, but having a list that others can see and push me to complete or help me, people might even want to join in with some of the antics. So i guess Bucket lists aren’t a bad idea after all. I guess it’s a matter of perception. If only we could please everyone at the same time.  [whohit]Bucket-Lists[/whohit]

Terrified of the Police

Yep as Silly as it sounds I’m terrified of the police. Due to the events in November 2013 (see my previous blog). I’m scared of the police. I have lost all trust and faith in Greater Manchester Police and UK policing as a whole.  I do have an anxiety disorder and do suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

I used to hold the UK  Police in the highest esteem, never had problems with them, always helpful and were there when needed, esp during my Domestic abuse issues from a previous partner.  The police could do no wrong in my eyes they were the pillars of the community. Yes i had heard horror stories and of things going wrong with other people before, but hadn’t seen it myself. I would love to go to Police Station open days look around their Vehicles and in Manchester they even have 999 Emergency Day, when all the emergency services show off their kit and you can get up close and personal.

But since 2013, this safety net has gone, there is no one to help anymore. If i was a victim of an attack or a crime, i don’t think id report it. Whats the point? just leads to more stress and anxiety. I would rather cross the road and walk through a large crowd then walk past a Police officer. We are taught from a very young age that we can always talk to the police, they are always there to help. But when it goes wrong and the trust breaks down. Then your on your own. I have tried to get myself used to the police again, but its a struggle. No matter where you go these days there will be police about, so I haven’t really left the flat in 10 Months.

When your safety net is destroyed, how do you stop yourself from falling?  [whohit]Terrified-of-the-police[/whohit]


My Nervous Breakdown

This is what has happened and why I’m now a nervous wreck.

I’ve been unwell for couple of months were I haven’t been eating alot and been having stomach problems. I then found a lump on my bottom so went to see GP. Was sent to Hospital as Doctor has concerns it might be cancer esp after the history in my family.

They did a colonoscopy and found a further 2 small growths in my bowel, so had these removed and still awaiting test results (can be up to 3 months). During all this we were getting nuisance calls on the landline, which kept waking me up while I was trying to recover from the operation.

We made a complaint company in question, then started causing issues (This was on a Thursday 2 weeks after the colonoscopy). So we thought we’d go out for a nice evening on Friday I then got hit by a HGV while I was walking on the pavement. It was turning into Morrison’s loading bay and the trailer swung out and hit me. No serious injures just a bruised elbow.

At the same time I was getting hit by the HGV Mike was on the phone to his mum, who was saying she had collapsed and been on the floor for 2 days at her home. So was a lot happening all at once.

The Saturday and Sunday were very sore and uneasy times.

Due to my illness I have been sleeping a lot more and was woken up on the Monday 25th November 2013 by 3 Police Officers banging on the door to the flat. I was half asleep and very groggy from the medication I was on. They came into the flat and started asking about Mikes motorbike, where was it, did I have keys to it, did I ride it. Then they wanted to know where Mike was, So told them I thought he was at work and gave all the details of it. They then asked me for a photo of Mike. At that point I thought I was identifying a body. Not once did they say he was ok.

While I was dealing with one officer the other 2 were looking around the flat and going through my stuff. They then left me with a note to pass to mike so he could contact them. Still didn’t say he was ok, so now thinking his bike had been involved in a crash and he was lying injured somewhere. I kept trying to call mike but as he was at work he couldn’t answer the phone. After 4 or 5 hours I did get hold of him, and told him about the police so he then started trying to call the police from his work. So wasn’t until 10pm that I actually saw him and knew he was ok.

He still kept trying to contact them Monday night and was told several times, there is no record of anything against him or his bike and they couldn’t tell him why 3 police officers are looking for him.

On the Tuesday morning I was woken up again by the police at 10:30am banging on the door to the flat. Mike hadn’t left for work yet so was still here. The police arrested him on the spot for suspicion of Burglary.

They then started carrying out a full search of the flat, going through everything looking for evidence and they had told us they had already seen items that they wanted to seize. They didn’t have a warrant for the search but because the arrest took place in the property it allows them to search it apparently. They also provided no paperwork for anything siezed.

We were both in the living room and told to sit separately Mike in the armchair and me on the sofa. I then started having a massive panic attack during all this understandably. The police wouldn’t tell us anything, so we didn’t know what was happening or why he had been arrested. Mike has either been with me or at work, so really didn’t understand anything.

The Panic attack was one of the most serve I’ve had. I was visible shaking, sweating and struggling to breath. The police weren’t that concerned with me they were here for Mike and had got him.

They Then took Mike away and I thought I’d never see him again as I thought he’d be taken to the station, charged and be before a court in the morning and sent to prison. When they took him away they said they’d go to Bury Police Station and then decide where to take him. So I had no clue where he was. My mind was racing due to the panic attack and was thinking the most awful things were happening to Mike. A couple of hours after the police and Mike had left I was still struggling for breath so called the NHS helpline on 111 and they told be to go straight to the doctors, which I did, I was given medication (emergency Tranquilizers) to calm me down and then came back to the flat to be by the phone, so I could wait for news.

It wasn’t until around 10pm on Tuesday that Mike got back from the police station. He hadn’t been charged but had been put on police bail for 2 weeks while they continue there investigations. I was still in a state when Mike got home and I kept passing out and showing a lot of worrying symptoms. So Mike called an ambulance at around 1am Wednesday morning and I was rushed into hospital with a suspected allergic reaction to the Medication the doctor had given me on Tuesday afternoon. So we didn’t get back from the hospital until around 6am.

Due to all this I still didn’t know what was going on with the Police and Mike until later on Wednesday when we could compare the experiences. It was because his bike was seen in a car park near to where a burglary took place, they had mike on CCTV but didn’t go anywhere other than into the supermarket and then across the car park to the petrol station. But because the supermarket couldn’t find the CCTV from the petrol station, he was then arrested held for over 9 hours and then bailed for 2 weeks, as the Burglary had happened there.

After the 2 weeks and when we went to the police station to answer his bail. They said they had now found the CCTV and that there will be no further action against mike, ‘a case of wrong place wrong time’ as the police said – They still didn’t provide any paperwork though.

During the time Mike was in custody he kept asking the Police to check on me but they never did. The police didn’t follow a lot of the their own procedures and policies. We have lodged a formal complaint about how we where both treated and this is still ongoing and now causing issues itself.

Due to all of this I have had a complete nervous breakdown, I’m unable to stop shaking since the police came back in November, very jumpy, have panic attacks daily. Seen the doctor and on more medication with counseling being referred too. The police have now put both me and Mike on an ‘At risk Register’ for vulnerable adults. Still taking it day by day so far I’m scared to be in the flat, scared to go out. even scared of the phone and internet.

I’ve tried arranging a visit to the local police station to go through my concerns and ‘nightmares’ so i can see the police arn’t as bad as i fear or imagine and that they are there to help and reassure people, but to date they have not agreed and keep fobbing me off.

The Above was Written on 12th January 2014  [whohit]My-Nervous-Breakdown[/whohit]