Health Update

Health Update:

CBT: (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy)
Had my first (and last) session yesterday. They are unable to help at the moment due to physical issues and high pain levels. As part of the CBT process involves mobility and as I’m in pain it will apparently distract me. So have to get my knees sorted before they will work on my mental state. However surgeons won’t help till my mental state is better. Catch 22. Waited 12 months for this to be told no, had it happened earlier i might have gotten it done.

Went to physio today. Very painful. Apparently I have issues with my hips to add to my knees and feet. They are weak and rotating my legs more than they should. Been given exercises to complete over the festive period and have to go back first week of January.

Doctors keeping my current meds the same but given me more pain killers. Takes my total of pills to 14 a

More Health issues to fight!

Been to the Musculoskeletal Clinic at the hospital.

Feeling very sore after having my knee poked, prodded, pulled and stretched. My knee cap isn’t fitting in the groove of the knee joint. My Calfs muscles are not in control so are not puling the knee cap into place. I have flat feet and they twist outwards so this is rotating the knee and pulling the knee cap out of position. All of this is causing the pain and the crunching noise is the knee cap scrapping across the bones. as is being pulled and pushed in wrong directions.

Had 2 options available:
(1) Surgery, to cut some of the bone away in the knee and make the groove where the knee cap should sit larger. Would be done before christmas!
(2) Physiotherapy to strengthen and get back more control of my calve muscles. Also be referred to Podiatry to address the flat feet and my feet rotating outwards.

Due to current Mental issues we decided major surgery wasn’t really helpful. so going with option (2) Physiotherapy starts next thursday and been referred to Podiatry (currently 2 month waiting list) So long painful time to come.

Physical Illness Vs Mental Illness

Mental Illness rules my life, whether i want it to or not. However I have been suffering alot of physical issues too. I never know it its part of my mental illness, or side effects of medication. Everytime i’ve gone to see the GP, my mental health has been my priority cause of the state i’m in. I have let things slide, they were only small issues that i could ignore as they weren’t a major issue. But now i got to the stage that they have all built up and now causing bigger issues.

I have also been afraid to speak to the GP about it as, i keep feeling it’ll just be boxed off as ‘Mental’ issues, but after speaking with my Doctor it turns out there was some serious issues:
– Got a fungal infection on my foot so been given some Daktacort Ointment to help clear it
– Had ringing in my ears since my collapse in 2013 when i knocked myself out. GP’s gonna refer me to the hospital to see an ENT specialist.
– Got 3 moles , 2 on my forehead and one on my side that have started to grow lumps. Doctors not worried so been booked in for minor surgery to have these removed. No date as yet
– Also having lot of pain in my knees and my reconstructed one ‘crunches’ when i bend it. So going back next week to GP for a full exam and so she can go through the x-rays from the hospital.

So hopefully well get some things sorted.


Been feeling very lost lately. Still having trouble planning for the future and my social anxiety seems to be getting worse. I don’t feel safe or comfortable going out the flat. Not sure where its come from. A Lot of it predictably is in my head, feel i’m being judged by everyone and i feel some how that i’ve got a big label hanging over me saying “Hes nuts, stay away.”

Have a lot of support on facebook, twitter and other sites i’m on across the internet. A Lot of people wanting to meet me and say hello. I’ve never been great at ‘first contacts’ and with my anxiety since my breakdown its a huge barrier. I would love to meet some people and get out more, its just trying to cross that barrier that’s difficult. I’m still on a waiting list for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which has been months, hopefully will be able to chase it with the GP this week.

My Left knee has been acting up again. I had it reconstructed in 2010 and its been pretty good, but think it dislocated and popped back in, bruising and swelling suggests this too, GP’s given me lots of pain meds, but yet another barrier to getting out as i cant bear weight on it.

On the positive side of things during the late May bank holiday, i went with my BF and parents to Liverpool to see Cunards 150 Year anniversary 3 Queens event. Over 1 million people descended on Liverpool. There were crowds everywhere and tbh i didn’t cope great. Think i was able to mask a lot of it. but got to the stage where everyone was concerned and knew it was causing me issues (except for the crowd stewards who refused to help u, when we needed it).


Another trip to Hospital

Well everyone keeps telling me “I’m a disaster waiting for a place to happen.” I’ve gone and done it again. This time i’ve broken one of my toes (the toe next to my big toe on my right foot).

On Wednesday night 27th August, I was getting something out of one of the top cupboards and a Hard plastic Thermos travel cup/mug fell out bounced off the kitchen sideboard and landed on my foot breaking my Toe. Been to the Hospital, nothing they can do, just take painkillers and it’ll take 6-8 weeks for it to heal.

It’ll Make Physiotherapy fun, i start that on 1st September in order to strengthen my right knee and the muscles ready for surgery on it. So having a broken toe on the right side will make it difficult. Hopefully wont cause too many issues.

Even my Fiancee Said it was an impossible accident, if he hadn’t witnessed it, he wouldn’t have believed it. I have a great talent of having injuries in the most bizarre and crazy ways, If it can happen it’ll happen to  [whohit]Another-trip-to-Hosp[/whohit]

Confidence V Risk Taking

Well Since my breakdown in November, I have started to realize that the world i create in my mind and the things i image happening are a lot more worse and scary then real life itself. I Have found myself wanting to do things that i would have before said was too dangerous or stupid to do. What i deem stupid and dangerous is quite different to everyone else. I haven’t had the best confidence, and have had other health issues (knees) which have restricted some of the activities i would have liked to do.

I have noticed a trending of me wanting to do more things that are out of my comfort zone. Is this because i have a new found confidence that the world isn’t as scary as it used to me. Or is it me just taking more risks, cause I’m in the what the hell mood, nothing can be as worse as what I’ve already experienced.

It could be both a boost to me confidence as well as more risk taking. I’m not planning on doing anything silly, but more open to ideas now than i was before ( See my Bucket List). Incresed risk taking esp, with my mental health issues are a worry, but its also something that is well known and documented with people who have PTSD and Depression. As for the increased confidence i think this is more that i ahve realized in myself that The Reality of the world is not as scary as what my mind can produce. Then again i’m still scared and have no confidence going out, another symptom of my Anxiety Disorder.  [whohit]Confidence-V-Risk-Taking[/whohit]

Surgery Required?

I have had problems with my knees for years from a young age when i was diagnosed with Osgood Schlatters Disease. Since then my knees have gotten worse.

Back in 2010 i had to have my left Knee reconstructed. This was due to me snapping all the ligaments in my knee and this let the kneecap ‘Float’ free. So had to have the knee reconstructed and pinned into place. I Had 44 Staples, 3 screws and 6 internal staples put in. The knee kept giving way causing me to fall.  I had the Surgery in April and was house bound for 5 months and in physiotherapy for a year. Although the knee is a lot better it still has some issues, but overall the surgery was a success. Was also told that in the future the other knee may need surgery.

This year my right knee starting playing up kept giving way or locking in position, which required several trips via ambulance to hospital. Have had X-rays and MRI scan on the right knee and Surgeon wants to operate and do a full reconstruction like i had in 2010.

However, I’m not sure if i want to have it done. I always said after the left knee reconstruction that i would never have the other one done. Yes it is causing issues and normally if i was in good health otherwise i would have it done. But this year i’m having a number of serious Mental health issues and I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to have the operation and go through the recovery at the moment.

I have spoken with my GP & my NHS Counselor about my concerns and they both said to go with what the surgeon suggests, but not not sure the surgeon knows the Mental Health issues. If i don’t have the operation now, then i will need to have it in the future.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Really not sure what to do for the best….  [whohit]Surgery-Required[/whohit]