Autism Spectrum Disorder

I haven’t posted in a while cause to be honest i’m scared, confused and very lost. I’m still coming to terms with being diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and what it means and what effects it’ll have on my life.

I’ve always felt that i’m a different and that something has been ‘wrong’ with me since childhood. But when ever I’ve approached the subject or spoken my mind I’ve been told that i’m being silly or just making things up. I’ve always been the weird one and the outcast, and I’ve tried to cope by pretending and trying to fit in and to ignore how I’ve felt and thought. However now that I’ve been diagnosed with ASD, i’m trying to accept how i feel and what i think is ok and to try and express that. But it makes me wonder who I am, as i have been pretending for a long time.

Most people who are diagnosed with as ASD are diagnosed when they are children. I’m 34 and have found that there is not a lot of help or support for autistic adults out there. majority of self help guides and support groups are for children and their parents. I Just dont know where to turn. There is a lot of other medical conditions which are linked with ASD and I have numerous symptoms and alarm bells are ringing, but when trying to express this to medical professionals they dont seem to care or understand. From everything i’m reading and learning it seems i’ll soon have a medical degree myself. lol

All of this is making my Anxiety and Depression worse.

Autism Diagnosis

Since my nervous breakdown in 2013, I have been visiting the GP, going to counselling and even had a number of unexpected trips to Hospital. They seem to be finding more and more things wrong with me. First it was anxiety, depression and PTSD. Then they discovered I was partially deaf and classed as hard of hearing, requiring me to have 2 hearing aids fitted. During my numerous counselling sessions it was suggested more than once that I might autistic.

Last week I was officially diagnosed as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I’m still trying to come to terms with it and what it all means. I am still awaiting the full report from the autism assessor and hopefully this will either answer some of my questions or put me in touch with people who can help answer them.

– Majority of Autistic people suffer from Anxiety and depression. So is how I’ve felt since 2013 part of my Autism Spectrum Disorder or are they in addition to it?

– Most autistic people are diagnosed when they are children, I’m in my mid thirties, apparently dyslexia is a common misdiagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed as dyslexic in 1998, so am I still dyslexic or has this been misdiagnosed?

– I have been reading and chatting to people who have been diagnosed with ASD later in life and they have said that their life changed and really began after their diagnosis. So will mine change and if so how?

– Are my physical disabilities part of ASD?

It is a big change and huge learning curve. For someone like me who isn’t always sure of his feelings to start with it’ll take time to adjust and time for it all to sink in. I’m relieved that they found something and it wasn’t me just going mad, but. at the same time I’m sad, scared and angry. Really is a jumble of all emotions. Apparently grief is an expected emotion after this diagnosis, but I’m not quite sure why, no one has died, I’m still the same person I was.

 

listed below are some things that are very familiar to me when I was looking through the autism website. I just thought everyone felt this way, didn’t realise it wasn’t normal.

Sight:
OVER-SENSITIVE
Has difficulty getting to sleep as sensitive to the light.

Sound:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
May only hear sounds in one ear, the other ear having only partial hearing or none at all.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled.
Inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, leading to difficulties concentrating.

Taste:
OVER-SENSITIVE
Certain textures cause discomfort

Touch:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
Has a high pain threshold.
Enjoys heavy objects (eg weighted blankets) on top of them.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Touch can be painful and uncomfortable – people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others.
Dislikes having anything on hands or feet.
Difficulties brushing and washing hair because head is sensitive.
May find many food textures uncomfortable.
Only tolerates certain types of clothing or textures.

Balance:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
A need to rock, swing or spin to get some sensory input.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Difficulties with activities like sport, where we need to control our movements.
Difficulties stopping quickly or during an activity.
Difficulties with activities where the head is not upright or feet are off the grou‏nd.

It’s OK to be Me

It's ok to be differnt..

Well I’ve had 2 sessions of counselling so far in my current round of treatment. A number of things have come up that i’m currently working through.

I’ve got to encourage myself and teach myself “Its OK to be Me”

I’m a very sensitive person and take almost everything to heart, during counselling we worked out that rather than being myself. I’ve tried to please everyone and change who i am to fit in with other peoples perceptions of how i should be. This isn’t helpful or healthy. This is a very difficult post to write as it covers some of my most sensitive vulnerabilities, so apologies if i ramble on.

Appearance

This is a big one, I have never been comfortable with my appearance for numerous reasons. My hair when it grows long starts to curl and as a child i was teased a lot about it. Didn’t matter if i tried to gel it or style it, it always ended up curling. Always been told people would love to have curly hair, but for me I hate it. So much so now that its just easier and less stressful to shave it all off and have a skinhead. My clothes and style have also been an issue, what i find comfortable or stylish the majority of people wouldn’t be seen dead in it. This did results in sometimes being called names and some clothes were never worn again because of it. I have three very large scars on my knee after having a full knee reconstruction in 2011. I feel humiliated and ashamed that they are there and tend not to show them off. So Don’t wear shorts and always have my legs covered up. Nothings has happened or be said to me about my scars, but when i have gone out in shorts (very rare) I always feel that people are starring and talking behind my back about it. My Weight and body shape is always a concern for me. My weight tends to fluctuate depending on my health, and again I’m just not comfortable in myself.

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 Asking for Help

I don’t like asking for help, it makes me feel humiliated and ashamed. I Feel its a sign of failure asking for help or accepting help. Having numerous physical, mental and learning difficulties, i often have to ask for help in my life. It upsets me that i see other people who are able to do things without help, wish I didn’t need help, but i know i do.

Health

I’m not clumsy, i’m not accident prone, but if anything can happen it will to me. I broke my leg rolling over in bed. I Was hit by a truck while walking on the pavement. I Just seem to go from one medical disaster to another. It affects my life so much, from social activities to work. It is so embarrassing letting my friends and family know that I’ve been injured or am unwell yet again. It has become a running joke “Only You.” Having both long term physical issues and mental issues, symptoms tend to get crossed and confused. After a nasty fall in which i fractured my skull, i lost my hearing in my right ear. But i didn’t know until 3 years later after a different test for dizzy spells showed it. So i really don’t know what is physical or mental anymore.

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Dyslexia

I Have always had issues with my reading and writing from Primary school to now. It means i’m not as quick as everyone else and do need extra help in almost everything. A lot of people don’t understand Dyslexia and don’t understand that each dyslexic person has unique challenges, there isn’t a fix or and aid that is suitable for everyone. A lot of people see Dyslexia as an excuse and that your just lazy or cant be bothered. But believe me I’m not. I try so hard, I feel sometimes i work much harder than others but get the same results and that extra work is never praised. Unfortunately its a disability that people try to hide and find ways to avoid it.

Tiredness

Since 2013 i have felt extremely exhausted both physically and exhausted. I struggle to get a good nights sleep and also with all the symptoms like Panic attacks, anxiety, burping fits, sweating fits my body is working overtime to keep up. I have dark circles and bags under my eyes, which must make me look awful. I do try and push myself to keep awake and to get certain things done. But this runs me down and leaves me more exhausted. Taking naps during the day doesn’t really help, as still so much to do.

Again apologies if i Rambled, but hopefully, friends and family might understand a bit better, if they know how i feel and think inside. I’ve got to come to terms with all of these and just say “It’s OK to be Me”

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Dyslexia Awareness Week

Its Dyslexia Awareness week!

I’ve suffered from Dyslexia all my life, its not something that’ll go away or can be cured. Its something that i have to continue learning to cope with. It caused me huge issues in school and in my work life, but there has been alot of help and support out there for Dyslexia sufferers. Still along way to go though.

What is Dyslexia? Click Here

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Links:

British Dyslexia Association

Dyslexia Action

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