I feel so guilty. Guilty that I cannot fight and beat this depression, anxiety and PTSD. Guilty of the effects it’s having not only on me but on friends and family. I feel guilty asking for help, others get along by themselves, so why can’t I bounce back. Why is life so difficult? I feel guilty for saying how I really feel and worry about the effects it’ll have on others.
I hate having money troubles, struggling to get by just to buy food and pay the bills. I wish I could be back at work earning money, rather than surviving on handouts. Have stripped back as much as I can. Can’t go out as unable to afford things. Can’t see family as much I’d like due to costs of train fares. The money worries keep me awake at night and increase my anxiety ten fold.
Here’s hoping for a cure Â and an end to mental health sufferers globally. It happens so quick you fall apart completely and yet takes years if ever to become ‘normal’ again. I’ll never get back to who I was before my breakdown, that has been taken from me. Trust that can no longer be restored. Have found I’m more cynical of everything, as before I used to see the good in everything and everyone. I just get that sinking feeling, another battle, another fight. I’ve been so strong and fighting so hard, I feel there’s no more fight left in me.
Well things are starting to move forward again, after grinding to a halt.
I Have received my appointment for the Orthotics Department, Was referred to them back in January 2016 and was told of a 9-13 month waiting list, but its come through after 6 months months so hopefully will be able to help. Although i am meant to be doing physiotherapy along side this, but that still up in the air between the mental health team and the physio departments.
After speaking with my GP and saying i didn’t think that CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) was right for me at this time. I was referred to the Healthy Minds team in Bury. And Have an assessment next week with a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner. Hopefully will be able to get someone for me to talk through things, as thats what i think i need and have been trying to get since 2013 without success.
Also Purchased a new pill box for myself:
As I Take 6 pills of different medication daily (42 a week, 168 a Month!) I kept getting confused with which ones I had or hadn’t taken that day. Put now can just have a quick look and i’ll know. Also saves lots of space as don’t have big boxes stacked on each other anymore.