Anxiety is Building Up

Anxiety is building up and can feel i’m struggling / fighting off a panic attack. I’ve had a lovely few days with my parents who came to visit and i’m quite proud of myself i pushed myself a lot and survived big crowds and lots of decision making. Even though it was family i am very socially tired. Its kind of hard to explain, but when you’ve been active and been in a high anxious state for a while, you need a number of days to relax and chill out to get your anxiety and stress levels down. Something that i think has definitely improved compared to a couple of years ago, but does leave you feeling both mentally and physically drained.

I’m very worried/scared/anxious about getting the new Hearing aids. Have had a hearing aid for my right ear for just over a year now. And now I will be getting one for the left ear as well. After getting my first hearing aid, i realized how much i had been missing and felt so guilty and angry at myself for not realizing it earlier. I don’t know If having 2 hearing aids will make the alot of difference or not to what i can hear, hopefully will, but nervous about it all the same. Then there’s the interaction with the hearing aids and the TV, Telephone and mobile phone. Will i then need adaptations to use these? (TV Loop System, Special hearing aid compatible phones). Its a lot of unknowns and i know there’s nothing i can do about it until i get the hearing aids fitted, but i’m still panicking over it anyway. There’s a part of me that’s exciting about it, i know how much a difference my first hearing made.

Then as we go into April, benefits are reviewed and changed. Monthly payments for bills (Gas, Elec, Water) Have been changed as well. I wont know whats happening or whats going out and what if anything i’ll be left with after. I hate talking money and fiances and really dislike change. Again I know there’s nothing i can do right here and now, but i’m panicking about it.

I So which there was a simple switch to turn off my emotions, I really do hate feeling this way and still feel so very guilty that I’m mentally unwell. I always expect the worst, that way its a surprise if things are better than imagined, (Will need to talk about this to my counselor and see if we can do anything to work on it, it might come down to confidence issues again).

I Have looked into a number of disability pages and grants and to be honest its all very confusing and don’t really know where to start. Most of them you need an assessment or need to contact the charity/company directly, but when your scared of everything and really don’t like meeting people or talking on the telephone it leaves you a bit lost.

Therapy.. All Change

Well after another counselling session and explaining about my nightmares and being angry. The Counselor was very Good, listened, understand and made made changes. So Its all stop on therapy that I’ve been doing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation Therapy (PMRT). We have decided to stop this as its causing unwanted and unintentional side effects.

We are now trying a new approach, humanistic therapies, which focus on self-development in the ‘here and now’ rather than the events of the past. Apparently, my mind and body are ‘stuck’ in the past, reliving the events of 2013. So we are now going to try and retrain my mind to force it into ‘reality’ and not the scary, dark places of my mind. Not sure how this will work, counselor says it will take a long time and that it’ll be very difficult. But always knew it was a long road. As much as i wish for a quick fix, it wont happen.

I Have had quite a week, of unexpected things happen which I think I have handle well. Fireworks and Bonfire night (5th November) and anxiety certainly do not mix. Although I was anxious and quite jumpy i didn’t have a full blown panic attack which I expected to have. I have Contacted my GP to ask for additional support and for details to be put on thier systems under the Accessible Healthcare process. Have also chanced up a number of other things that have been causing me concern, so in all a positive week.

Anxiety attacks Vs Panic Attacks

 For a long while its been to difficult for me to work out if i’m having an anxiety or a panic attack. Most people think they are the same and although they do seem it there is a huge difference. Which i’m now slowly starting to detect and then can take appropriate action, as the way to deal with the two different attacks are different.

What does anxiety feel like?

If you experience anxiety, you might find that you identify with some of the physical and psychological sensations in the table below. Anxiety can feel different for different people, so you might also experience other kinds of feelings, which aren’t listed here.

Physical sensations: Psychological sensations:
  • nausea (feeling sick)
  • tense muscles and headaches
  • pins and needles
  • feeling light headed or dizzy
  • faster breathing
  • sweating or hot flushes
  • a fast, thumping or irregular heart beat
  • raised blood pressure
  • difficulty sleeping
  • needing the toilet more frequently, or less frequently
  • churning in the pit of your stomach
  • experiencing panic attacks
  • feeling tense, nervous and on edge
  • having a sense of dread, or fearing the worst
  • feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down
  • feeling like other people can see you’re anxious and are looking at you
  • feeling your mind is really busy with thoughts
  • dwelling on negative experiences, or thinking over a situation again and again (this is called rumination)
  • feeling restless and not being able to concentrate
  • feeling numb

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is an exaggeration of your body’s normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid build-up of overwhelming physical sensations, such as:

  • a pounding heartbeat
  • feeling faint
  • sweating
  • nausea (feeling sick)
  • chest pains
  • feeling unable to breathe
  • shaky limbs, or feeling like your legs are turning to jelly
  • feeling like you’re not connected to your body

During a panic attack you might feel very afraid that:

  • you’re losing control
  • you’re going to faint
  • you’re having a heart attack
  • you’re going to die

Lord Sugar and the Twitter Incident

Well thought I’d write a post of my Twitter Incident I had, Just feel it necessary for me to explain my side. I had no intention of Upsetting or offending anyone, from the levels of abuse and choice words from other people on twitter it seems I have, So my apologises if I did.

Just thought I’d Type this up as it raises awareness of how abuse and hatred affects the lives of other People. Have lost a lot of respect that i had for Lord Sugar. Don’t think he realised or thought of the ramifications of all the abuse and nastiness that follows from people that follow his lead.

Lord Sugar tweeted:

I thought it was quite funny so re-tweeted it. Didn’t notice the spelling of Scotland until Lord Sugar’s Tweet:

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Being Dyslexic and knowing how easy it is to do. I replied with:

“It is on Most Keyboards”

No abuse given, just making an observation and actually agreeing with Lord Sugar.

But instead the Response I got was this Tweet from Lord Sugar:

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Don’t know what I did to upset or anger Lord Sugar, but was blocked from his profile. After Lord Sugar tweeted the above post, then started the abuse and nastiness from other Twitter users. Having looked at the 10:33pm there are a lot worse comments some swearing and abusing Lord Sugar. So why I got singled out I don’t know. Sent me into a massive panic didn’t know what to do, but thankfully managed to calm myself now.   I’m not to wound up about the abuse, lived with naming call since junior school must just be an easy target, “Water of the back anyway.”  [whohit]Lord Sugar-Twitter[/whohit]

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