Anxiety is building up and can feel i’m struggling / fighting off a panic attack. I’ve had a lovely few days with my parents who came to visit and i’m quite proud of myself i pushed myself a lot and survived big crowds and lots of decision making. Even though it was family i am very socially tired. Its kind of hard to explain, but when you’ve been active and been in a high anxious state for a while, you need a number of days to relax and chill out to get your anxiety and stress levels down. Something that i think has definitely improved compared to a couple of years ago, but does leave you feeling both mentally and physically drained.

I’m very worried/scared/anxious about getting the new Hearing aids. Have had a hearing aid for my right ear for just over a year now. And now I will be getting one for the left ear as well. After getting my first hearing aid, i realized how much i had been missing and felt so guilty and angry at myself for not realizing it earlier. I don’t know If having 2 hearing aids will make the alot of difference or not to what i can hear, hopefully will, but nervous about it all the same. Then there’s the interaction with the hearing aids and the TV, Telephone and mobile phone. Will i then need adaptations to use these? (TV Loop System, Special hearing aid compatible phones). Its a lot of unknowns and i know there’s nothing i can do about it until i get the hearing aids fitted, but i’m still panicking over it anyway. There’s a part of me that’s exciting about it, i know how much a difference my first hearing made.

Then as we go into April, benefits are reviewed and changed. Monthly payments for bills (Gas, Elec, Water) Have been changed as well. I wont know whats happening or whats going out and what if anything i’ll be left with after. I hate talking money and fiances and really dislike change. Again I know there’s nothing i can do right here and now, but i’m panicking about it.

I So which there was a simple switch to turn off my emotions, I really do hate feeling this way and still feel so very guilty that I’m mentally unwell. I always expect the worst, that way its a surprise if things are better than imagined, (Will need to talk about this to my counselor and see if we can do anything to work on it, it might come down to confidence issues again).

I Have looked into a number of disability pages and grants and to be honest its all very confusing and don’t really know where to start. Most of them you need an assessment or need to contact the charity/company directly, but when your scared of everything and really don’t like meeting people or talking on the telephone it leaves you a bit lost.