Category Archives: Health

NHS Failing Mental Health sufferers

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I was referred for Cognitive behavioural Therapy back in January 2015, i’m still waiting been told it wont be until November or december till i’m seen. This means it will have 14 months since my last therapy and its just not helpful. The progress and steps forward i feel i made in 2014 has been undone.

Went to the GP this morning, and was told after 2 Years since my breakdown in 2013, there’s nothing more they can do for me. I have to sort it out myself.  Its a mental health issue and I’m the only one who can resolve it, i have to change the way i think and start improving.

Doesn’t really work like that, What does she think i’ve been doing for the past 2 years? clearly i’m struggling and not getting better fast and need help and assistance. Not to be told Sorry your on your own.

 

Unsettled nights….

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Since my breakdown in 2013, I had huge sleeping issues. Loads of nightmares and Flashbacks (PTSD) and really wasnt sleeping. I went for counselling in 2014 and we used an NLP approach (Neuro-linguistic programming), to try and get rid/reduce the unsettled nights. It worked the nightmares and flashbacks have ‘stopped’ and i’m no longing waking up in panic.

But it seems to have had a different side effects. I still appear to be having nightmares but the NLP approach stops me remembering them, which stops me waking up in panic. But lately I’ve been waking feeling very anxious and i’m not getting great sleep, lots of tossing and turning. Because i cant remember them, I don’t know what’s caused the anxiety so i can’t fight it or overcome it. Just have to put it down to nightmares and carry on.

Although the NLP approach has helped to stop the panic attacks and is allowing me to get some sleep, I don’t really know how to over come the current issues. Hopefully as treatment continues (on waiting list for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), it will help address these issues. Positive thinking anyway.

 

 

Lost

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Been feeling very lost lately. Still having trouble planning for the future and my social anxiety seems to be getting worse. I don’t feel safe or comfortable going out the flat. Not sure where its come from. A Lot of it predictably is in my head, feel i’m being judged by everyone and i feel some how that i’ve got a big label hanging over me saying “Hes nuts, stay away.”

Have a lot of support on facebook, twitter and other sites i’m on across the internet. A Lot of people wanting to meet me and say hello. I’ve never been great at ‘first contacts’ and with my anxiety since my breakdown its a huge barrier. I would love to meet some people and get out more, its just trying to cross that barrier that’s difficult. I’m still on a waiting list for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which has been months, hopefully will be able to chase it with the GP this week.

My Left knee has been acting up again. I had it reconstructed in 2010 and its been pretty good, but think it dislocated and popped back in, bruising and swelling suggests this too, GP’s given me lots of pain meds, but yet another barrier to getting out as i cant bear weight on it.

On the positive side of things during the late May bank holiday, i went with my BF and parents to Liverpool to see Cunards 150 Year anniversary 3 Queens event. Over 1 million people descended on Liverpool. There were crowds everywhere and tbh i didn’t cope great. Think i was able to mask a lot of it. but got to the stage where everyone was concerned and knew it was causing me issues (except for the crowd stewards who refused to help u, when we needed it).

 

Plodding Along….

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Haven’t done an update in a while. Mainly because I’ve had nothing to report on. The benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV) (vertigo) has improved alot since the doctor did his tests and exams. Still feeling very low on energy though. but the dizziness has subsided thankfully.

As for the Depression, Anxiety and PTSD, not much has changed. Have been focusing on the physical and getting them under control. So i’m not having too many panic attacks or burping fits as i used to. Sleep is still hit and miss, I am sleeping but wake up exhausted, not feeling any better for it. Still waiting for my referral for CBT to help.

I am having major problems with Social anxiety at the moment. Due to a mix of reasons. I feel safe in my home, I have gotten things under control, when i go out so much is out of my control. Things can go wrong so quickly and i don’t have any safety net or safe place to get to if i go out. Also i have stayed in and not been very active mainly due to the vertigo (BVVP) cant really go out and enjoy yourself if your dizzy. The good side though is now i’m getting over it and getting control of my physical symptoms.

I wish i had my confidence, to get out and meet more people. Its not that i haven’t had the offers, its just i’m way to scared.lol (Not as tough as my online persona shows). Unfortunately not every ‘gets it’ and think i’m just brushing them off, but i’m really not, would love to meet with some people, but just cant get over that hump to do it. Always had confidence issues.

 

Anxiety attacks Vs Panic Attacks

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 For a long while its been to difficult for me to work out if i’m having an anxiety or a panic attack. Most people think they are the same and although they do seem it there is a huge difference. Which i’m now slowly starting to detect and then can take appropriate action, as the way to deal with the two different attacks are different.

What does anxiety feel like?

If you experience anxiety, you might find that you identify with some of the physical and psychological sensations in the table below. Anxiety can feel different for different people, so you might also experience other kinds of feelings, which aren’t listed here.

Physical sensations: Psychological sensations:
  • nausea (feeling sick)
  • tense muscles and headaches
  • pins and needles
  • feeling light headed or dizzy
  • faster breathing
  • sweating or hot flushes
  • a fast, thumping or irregular heart beat
  • raised blood pressure
  • difficulty sleeping
  • needing the toilet more frequently, or less frequently
  • churning in the pit of your stomach
  • experiencing panic attacks
  • feeling tense, nervous and on edge
  • having a sense of dread, or fearing the worst
  • feeling like the world is speeding up or slowing down
  • feeling like other people can see you’re anxious and are looking at you
  • feeling your mind is really busy with thoughts
  • dwelling on negative experiences, or thinking over a situation again and again (this is called rumination)
  • feeling restless and not being able to concentrate
  • feeling numb

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is an exaggeration of your body’s normal response to fear, stress or excitement. It is the rapid build-up of overwhelming physical sensations, such as:

  • a pounding heartbeat
  • feeling faint
  • sweating
  • nausea (feeling sick)
  • chest pains
  • feeling unable to breathe
  • shaky limbs, or feeling like your legs are turning to jelly
  • feeling like you’re not connected to your body

During a panic attack you might feel very afraid that:

  • you’re losing control
  • you’re going to faint
  • you’re having a heart attack
  • you’re going to die

Under going tests

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Been quite quiet on here of late. Been going through a barrage of tests to find out why i keep collapsing and having dizzy spells. Thought it was my medication but after having them changed i’m still having issues.

Had a number of blood test which shows elevated levels in my liver so had more blood taken today.

Been quite stressful and anxious time, probably why my sleeping patterns have been thrown out again. So exhausted. Been having alot of mood swings and been very depressed but trying to cope.

Doesn’t help having money troubles either. Living on benefits isnt easy or nice.

 

Struggling to be heard….

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Its so difficult to be heard when and believed when you have mental health issues. Really is shocking and horrible the way people treat me. I always tell the truth and never been in trouble, yet as soon as people hear that you have Mental Health issues they write you off. They tell you ‘the way it is’ and ‘what happened’ and don’t believe you no matter how many times you tell.

I have no trust, faith or respect for Greater Manchester Police . They really our poor when it comes to the duty of care of people and with people who have Mental health problems. Since a young age i’ve always respected the police and believed they were there to help. In fact they did help when I was the victim of domestic abuse and during that time i couldn’t fault them. I’ve always tried to be a good person and reported anything suspicious to the police and called in when i’ve witnessed accidents or crimes. But now after the treatment i’ve received i’ve lost all faith in them and thing they are only there to cause issues for people. They were a safety net like all emergency services but now thats gone. I try to avoid anything to do with police now. They really have ground me down and there attempts to put things right only made things worse and they never believe my version on events. Its now to your on medication or your not thinking right. I am scared to leave the flat or go to events that i used to enjoy incase there are police there. As i now know they don’t need evidence or anything to ruin peoples lives. I’ll never forgive or forget they way they made be think my Partner had been killed, how can any human being do that to someone.

Its not just the police that its hard to get through to. So medical professionals are the same they just write you off, number of times i’ve come back from seeing the Doctors in tears and thinking i’m about to be carted off to the nut house. It’s very difficult to get your voice heard.

Sometimes i just want to scream and make a scene just to be heard.

2015 A Different Year???

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Well everyone keeps saying 2015 is gonna be different, bigger and better than 2014. I Must admit I did have my fingers and toes crossed wishing that can be true. However the reality of it isn’t that easy easy. I Know were only twelve days into the year, but getting a sense of ‘Same Sh*t, different Year.’ Everything that i hoped and prayed would be left behind in 2014 has spread its dark fingers into 2015. And i gotta admit given me the new year blues. Hope can i start on a new year, new me (ha thats a joke) if everything keeps following me.

The Festive period was on the whole a good time. Feel again that i missed out on another Christmas. Not through anything in particular, just didn’t have the festive spirit as things were getting to stressful and anxious as the big day came near. Didn’t help that i collapsed at home on 16th December, BF had to call an ambulance. So another worry to add to my lists. Had a wonderful New Years, we went down to my Parents for a week. Had a lovely time lots of quizzes, games and laughs.

Since coming back though apart from the New Years Blues, I Just have no energy. Everything is a struggle, even just standing up sometimes. But hey ho, thats life it seems.  Certainly dont know what the powers at be are thinking but they certainly getting me to jump through hoops and test me beyond my limits.

On a more positive note, hopefully 2015 I can cross off some or at least one of the things on my ‘Bucket List.’

Well i started writing this when i was really down, very tired and in a lot of pain. But now feeling more positive and hopeful. But thinking its good to post the negative thoughts. As someone may see it and know that their not the only one feeling that way, also as a reminder to me on how bad i can see things sometimes.

 

Almost Christmas…

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Well Quite a week I had last week, Went to see the GP on Monday as had been feeling rather low, kept having dizzy spells and had a sore throat. Doctor increased my medication and gave me an oral solutions for my throat. Turns out i had been brining stomach acid up during my anxiety/burping fits and had damaged my throat.

Tuesday i was not feeling great at all. Very dizzy and and very low on energy, managed to make it through most the day but then collapsed in the kitchen. Luckily was able to shout my partner before i fell who managed to catch me. He called 111 for advice and they sent out an ambulance. Very lovely and understanding ambulance crew. had loads of tests done and an ECG. But they think it was a combination of exhaustion, increase in medication and anxiety attack. Took me a while to get back up to full strength but getting there. Hopefully that’ll be enough of the excitement this year (fingers crossed).

Almost ready for Christmas, cant believe its only days away. Cant wait, am so excited. Unfortunately wont be going home to see family for Christmas but will see them for New Years.

Wishing everyone a very Merry Christmas!

Christmas

Feeling Overwhelmed..

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Am Feeling so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do. Just feel like crying.

I Haven’t slept properly in over a week, When i wake up i’m in a highly anxious state. So Much trapped wind as stomach wont settle. Causing me to have burping fits, this is bringing up stomach acid and giving me a sore throat. I’m sweating profusely all the time.

Christmas is meant to be a happy joyous time and at the moment its totally stressing me out. I Wanna do so much and cant. I didn’t get to enjoy Christmas last year due to my breakdown and had hoped to make this year extra special to make up for it and all my plans are falling apart and i’m right near to the end of my tether of saying “F*ck it” and calling everything off as it’ll be easier and less stressful. The same feeling i had last year and i don’t wanna do it. Its the small things that are getting to me. Waiting on presents to arrive and worrying they wont arrive in time and Money worries.

Got a lot of things coming up which we have been working to, Complaint to Greater Manchester Police about the lack of duty of care and the events of last november. Waiting to here if i qualify for Concessionary Travel in manchester with my health issues. And trying to sort out plans for Christmas and New Year.

Its all small little things that are mounting up and cause a big issue.

Just don’t know where to go or what to do.

OverWhelmed

Anxious

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Well we’ve gotten through the week we were dreading, a year on after Greater Manchester Police decided to turn our flat and lives upside down. I’m Still a mess, So Anxious all the time.

Loads of things coming up this month with the festive period think its getting to me. I so want to do everything i would normally do during the run up to Christmas and new year and i’m just not able to. I know i’m unwell and it’ll take time, but getting very frustrated with it all. Everyone wants to see me and i’d love to see everyone too, but gotta think of myself. If i can i will, if i cant i wont.

So anxious this week for some reason. Cant stop shaking and jumping at almost everything. Wish i could pin it down to one thing or another but i cant. I’ll continue to plod along, as i have been doing the past year.

Just wish the panic attacks would stop.

panic-button

Being Disabled….

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I am classed as being disabled and I have found that its quite difficult to find out help and information.

I have found some links which have proved to be very help to my and some of my friends who are disabled as well. Very useful and helpful for getting out and about and getting back into Society and gives you a little more freedom.

1) Disabled Rail Persons Discount:

Disabled Rail Pass

The Disabled Persons Railcard allows you to get 1/3 off most rail fares throughout Great Britain. If you’re travelling with an adult companion they also can get 1/3 off their rail fare – so you can save money for your friends too!

2) Manchester Travel Concessionaires:

Manchester Travel

The Concessionary Bus Travel Act states that disabled people in England who are eligible will get free off-peak travel on all local buses anywhere in England.
3) Cinema CEA Card:
The CEA Card is a national card scheme developed by the Cinema Exhibitors’ Association (CEA) for UK cinemas. The scheme was introduced in 2004 and is one of the ways for participating cinemas to ensure they make reasonable adjustments for disabled guests when they go to the cinema; in particular it ensures a complimentary ticket for someone to go with them.
4) Merlin Annual Pass:

Should a disabled Merlin Annual Passholder require assistance on their visits to our attractions, we issue one complimentary pass per disabled Passholder to be used by any carer – this is transferable between carers; the carer Pass is issued the disabled guests and carers Passes will have the name, date of birth and a photo of the disabled guest.

Getting Help with Mental Health….or not…

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It is scary, when you need help and there’s no-one there.

There are charities and organizations out there:

Anxiety UK

Mind Charity

Time to Change

 

Unfortunately I have found that a lot of the help out there you have to go and find yourself. When your nervous of social situations and terrified of using the telephone it doesn’t help. Quite often it feels like you just have to be quiet and get on with it but not disturb anyone else with it. Which in the 21st Century is really disgusting!

We had the Greater Manchester Police (GMP) come to our flat as they were ‘Concerned for our welfare’ back in February 2014. We were put on a ‘Vulnerable Adults list’ Were told we’d get a social worker and guess what, nothing happened.

My Doctors Surgery depending on which doctor you see sometimes helps. But when going in and being asked “How can i help you?” when you’ve explained everything going on, doesn’t really help, if i could cope and knew how to fix it i would have already. Trying to get medication from them is difficult as well, because the medication is strong, it cant be put on repeat prescription, i have get an appointment and go into the surgery every time to see the doctor. Which i can understand. But there are no appointments available currently and they would re-order medication over the phone (understandably), but leaves me without medication. So all the work and progress i’ve made could be unravelled.

My Local Council ‘Bury County Council’ Doesn’t seem to have anything set up for people with Mental health Issues, not that i have found. I have asked them on numerous occasions through a variety of different means and they have responded with silence. As with a lot of services is they do have anything its either not on there website or hidden away under loads of different options. The Mind Charity has recently written a report which reveals an ‘Unacceptably low spending on public Mental Health.’ (See the report Here).

Although i agree at times i’m not able to accomplish anything but with the proper help and support not just me but other sufferers would be able to recover or at least cope better with the Issues and get back into society which surely would be good for everywhere. Why people see Mental health as a taboo and something to be brushed away out of sight is beyond me. Hopefully attitudes will change.

The Internet is a lifeline….

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The Internet is a lifeline for people who suffer from Mental Health Issues. You can have loads of support from friends and family, but if you’re terrified of social situations it can be very difficult to meet for a coffee or even talk on the phone. People do take it for granted that its easy to walk down to the shops, do your shopping and head back. but when you Suffer from PTSD and scared of the Police (GMP – Greater Manchester Police), like I am. Every time you go out. Its takes hours of planning and building yourself up, not just mentally but physically as well. When i’m having an Anxiety attack, then i’m sweating and shaking profusely and takes a while before i can calm down and build the confidence to head out.

On Days where anxiety is too high or confidence is too low (or both), The internet is a lifeline. It allows you to connect not just to friends, family but online friends and sometimes more importantly other sufferers who are going through what you are. Knowing that its not just you and that other people know exactly how you feel and what your going through, not only helps boost your confidence but you share coping strategies.

I suffer from not only Depression, but Anxiety, Panic attacks and PTSD, as well as some other medical issues. During the course of the day with so much affecting me, my moods can be all over the place. So having access to the internet and my own network of coping strategies (My Blog, Member of several groups, Facebook, Twitter, email etc..) it is an outlet and a release. From one minute to another my mood can change.

I have found that do tend to bottle feelings, emotions and thoughts up inside, and have found it does not help or work and gets ya into a bigger mess and more of a state. However I do find sharing my thoughts and feelings online can be a huge release. It might be difficult and worrying for people to read, but its much better that i’m talking about these feelings and sharing rather than cutting myself off and letting the thoughts fester.  [whohit]Internet-is-a-lifeline[/whohit]

 

life preserver

PTSD – Flashbacks

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Since my Counselling Started to help reduce my Nightmares and flashbacks from events that happened in Nov 2013. I have had a good couple of months without them, but had had the first one in ages the other night. Scared the crap out of my was screaming as i woke. But it didn’t disrupt my whole day like they normally do. Small victory but a huge step forward for me.

Flashbacks are horrible. Takes ya right back there to all the sounds, smells and feelings i had at the time of the incident. Its definately not like recalling a memory. Terrified, but shows the counselling works as i could calm down and more on soon after. It didn’t ruin my whole day.

Flashbacks

Small steps..  [whohit]PTSD-Flashbacks[/whohit]

Steps

Coming off the rails….

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Sometimes coming off the rails in life can be a good thing. Although the majority of ramifications of having Mental Health issues is negative there are some good things to come out of having a breakdown. The main thing I’m realising is my out look on life and the world.

I’ve come to realise that for most of my life I’ve had my head buried in the sand, so to speak. Only saw the good in the world, the world was a great place and took people at their word. Now I’ve come to see the world as a horrible place, where everyone is fighting against you. People don’t care about each other or how it makes you feel just as long as they get what they want.

I’ve always been very laid back and ‘submissive’ just letting things happen and trying to adapt, but after November realising that i cant do that. I have to stand up and fight for my little corner of the world. (I don’t want much. lol). I am learning to stand up and fight and realising that sometimes other peoples views of myself don’t matter. I’ve tried so hard to be ‘normal’ and to fit in to life, but now I’ve realised that there is no normal. Normal is me! People can take me as I am or leave me, done with trying to fit in. If people don’t like me I’m not going to bend over backwards to get them to like me.

I’m Also becoming very aware of Politics and world events and how they do affect my life. Before it really never affected me when new laws or economic caps came in or if it did I wasn’t very aware of it. I’m now on benefits and out of work and not capable of working due to my health issues. So I’m now very aware of how politics and world events are now affecting my everyday life. People say its easy to life to live on benefits. I can assure you its not! Money is very tight, struggling to pays bills. When suffering from Depression and anxiety it just adds to the vicious circle.

People will say its a very negative view, but I kind of thing its positive to be able to see the world this way and to find my place in this world.  [whohit]Coming-off-the-rails[/whohit]

Off the Rails

Lord Sugar and the Twitter Incident

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Well thought I’d write a post of my Twitter Incident I had, Just feel it necessary for me to explain my side. I had no intention of Upsetting or offending anyone, from the levels of abuse and choice words from other people on twitter it seems I have, So my apologises if I did.

Just thought I’d Type this up as it raises awareness of how abuse and hatred affects the lives of other People. Have lost a lot of respect that i had for Lord Sugar. Don’t think he realised or thought of the ramifications of all the abuse and nastiness that follows from people that follow his lead.

Lord Sugar tweeted:

I thought it was quite funny so re-tweeted it. Didn’t notice the spelling of Scotland until Lord Sugar’s Tweet:

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Being Dyslexic and knowing how easy it is to do. I replied with:

“It is on Most Keyboards”

No abuse given, just making an observation and actually agreeing with Lord Sugar.

But instead the Response I got was this Tweet from Lord Sugar:

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Don’t know what I did to upset or anger Lord Sugar, but was blocked from his profile. After Lord Sugar tweeted the above post, then started the abuse and nastiness from other Twitter users. Having looked at the 10:33pm there are a lot worse comments some swearing and abusing Lord Sugar. So why I got singled out I don’t know. Sent me into a massive panic didn’t know what to do, but thankfully managed to calm myself now.   I’m not to wound up about the abuse, lived with naming call since junior school must just be an easy target, “Water of the back anyway.”  [whohit]Lord Sugar-Twitter[/whohit]

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Counseling Continues…

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Since my breakdown have been struggling with a lot of things. I was referred to Counseling through my GP. I Had an assessment with the Mental Health team where i live and we agreed that the Sleeping issues and Flashbacks were the first priority. I wasn’t sleeping at all. And this mean me very tired, no motivation and making me very depressed. I couldn’t sort anything out until my sleep had been either sorted or at least helped with it. I was offered Counseling from the Mental team and agreed a course of treatment – Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) as an approach to coping with the flashbacks and nightmares. As per the current rules, i had a maximum of 6 sessions booked for me, to go through the steps to the road to recovery.

Gotta say it had been great and worked really well, My Counselor is great. The NLP approach has helped me to get rid of the flashbacks and reduce the amount of nightmares. All the nightmares related to the November incident i can now control and I’m not in such a state waking up. I can actually fall back to sleep (most times) after having a nightmare.

I’m still having nightmares but no where as severe as they were and still having lots of trouble sleeping. I have discussed the thoughts and reasons around why this is affected me and we have come to the conclusion that its now the Anxiety disorder which is now the main thing.  A lot of the nightmares and trouble sleeping are now down to being in a constant anxious state. The Counselor feels that we have completed and done everything to resolve the nightmares and flashbacks and its now time to look at the next treatment. At the moment the way the Mental Health service works is that you are first referred by your GP, you have an Assessment and are allotted up to a maximum of 6 sessions. They Will only focus at one particular issue at a time. (So as i have multiple Mental health issues, i would need to be referred multiple times.) Once you have finished with the 6 session you will need to wait at least 6 weeks before starting any new sessions.

I had my 6th session on Friday, however my counselor wasn’t happy to discharge me from her care. I have been described as an ‘An at risk Adult’ and ‘A vulnerable person in my current state.’ As we have reached the maximum number of sessions, she had to discuss my case with her Manager. They have both agreed to continue the Counseling on an ongoing basis and they are unhappy for me to be discharged from the Mental Health team and counseling at this stage. Mainly due to the risks involved, but also because of the relationship and trust that i had built with my counseling and she feels were are making progress together and that if i was discharged. The things might get, worse and may slip back into old habits and undo the good work. So will start working now on the Anxiety.  [whohit]Counceling-continues[/whohit]

So both good and bad news. Good news is that i wont have a break in terms of my therapy and wont have to change counselors. This means i should hopefully be able recover and move on with my life after my breakdown. The bad side to it is that I’m still so unwell they wont discharge me.

Another trip to Hospital

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Well everyone keeps telling me “I’m a disaster waiting for a place to happen.” I’ve gone and done it again. This time i’ve broken one of my toes (the toe next to my big toe on my right foot).

On Wednesday night 27th August, I was getting something out of one of the top cupboards and a Hard plastic Thermos travel cup/mug fell out bounced off the kitchen sideboard and landed on my foot breaking my Toe. Been to the Hospital, nothing they can do, just take painkillers and it’ll take 6-8 weeks for it to heal.

It’ll Make Physiotherapy fun, i start that on 1st September in order to strengthen my right knee and the muscles ready for surgery on it. So having a broken toe on the right side will make it difficult. Hopefully wont cause too many issues.

Even my Fiancee Said it was an impossible accident, if he hadn’t witnessed it, he wouldn’t have believed it. I have a great talent of having injuries in the most bizarre and crazy ways, If it can happen it’ll happen to me.lol  [whohit]Another-trip-to-Hosp[/whohit]