Tag Archives: Hearing aid

Autism Diagnosis

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Since my nervous breakdown in 2013, I have been visiting the GP, going to counselling and even had a number of unexpected trips to Hospital. They seem to be finding more and more things wrong with me. First it was anxiety, depression and PTSD. Then they discovered I was partially deaf and classed as hard of hearing, requiring me to have 2 hearing aids fitted. During my numerous counselling sessions it was suggested more than once that I might autistic.

Last week I was officially diagnosed as having ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). I’m still trying to come to terms with it and what it all means. I am still awaiting the full report from the autism assessor and hopefully this will either answer some of my questions or put me in touch with people who can help answer them.

– Majority of Autistic people suffer from Anxiety and depression. So is how I’ve felt since 2013 part of my Autism Spectrum Disorder or are they in addition to it?

– Most autistic people are diagnosed when they are children, I’m in my mid thirties, apparently dyslexia is a common misdiagnosis of autism. I was diagnosed as dyslexic in 1998, so am I still dyslexic or has this been misdiagnosed?

– I have been reading and chatting to people who have been diagnosed with ASD later in life and they have said that their life changed and really began after their diagnosis. So will mine change and if so how?

– Are my physical disabilities part of ASD?

It is a big change and huge learning curve. For someone like me who isn’t always sure of his feelings to start with it’ll take time to adjust and time for it all to sink in. I’m relieved that they found something and it wasn’t me just going mad, but. at the same time I’m sad, scared and angry. Really is a jumble of all emotions. Apparently grief is an expected emotion after this diagnosis, but I’m not quite sure why, no one has died, I’m still the same person I was.

 

listed below are some things that are very familiar to me when I was looking through the autism website. I just thought everyone felt this way, didn’t realise it wasn’t normal.

Sight:
OVER-SENSITIVE
Has difficulty getting to sleep as sensitive to the light.

Sound:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
May only hear sounds in one ear, the other ear having only partial hearing or none at all.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Noise can be magnified and sounds become distorted and muddled.
Inability to cut out sounds – notably background noise, leading to difficulties concentrating.

Taste:
OVER-SENSITIVE
Certain textures cause discomfort

Touch:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
Has a high pain threshold.
Enjoys heavy objects (eg weighted blankets) on top of them.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Touch can be painful and uncomfortable – people may not like to be touched and this can affect their relationships with others.
Dislikes having anything on hands or feet.
Difficulties brushing and washing hair because head is sensitive.
May find many food textures uncomfortable.
Only tolerates certain types of clothing or textures.

Balance:
UNDER-SENSITIVE
A need to rock, swing or spin to get some sensory input.

OVER-SENSITIVE
Difficulties with activities like sport, where we need to control our movements.
Difficulties stopping quickly or during an activity.
Difficulties with activities where the head is not upright or feet are off the grou‏nd.

Where to start?

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Argh! Don’t know where to start or what to do for the best. I have so many different issues both physically and mentally that need addressing. I have noticed however all these issues overlap and interact with one another. The way the mental health team and the GP work is to focus on one issue at a time. Which in theory would be a good idea, but by doing this its causing different issues to get worse or has unintended consequences.

I have just finished an ‘Anxiety group Workshop’ course of treatment. To be honest I think it made things worse than it did in actually helping. It was good to find out and hear from others that they were experiencing the same anxiety symptoms as I was (although for different reasons) so I learnt that I wasn’t alone and that I shouldn’t be so scared of the symptoms of anxiety. But it did show how bad and deep my depression was, we had an exercise where we had to challenge ‘negative thoughts’ and turn them into positive ones. For example I’m nervous of going out of my flat. “Something bad will happen if I do” so we had to change it into a positive thought “something good will happen if I go out” but I found that although I could make up something and change it into a positive I didn’t actually believe it and just made me more depressed.

Things that need to be sorted:

Depression – Have had depression for around 15 years, It comes and goes but is always there. I was in an abusive relation for 6 years, in a job that i was constantly bullied in for 10 years. A lot of people have taken advantage of me and my good nature, which makes trusting new people difficult. Have struggled with coming to terms with my sexuality, and struggled with my disabilities – Dyslexia, Hearing loss, musculoskeletal issues, mental health issues. and often depressed about money. Feeling low increases my anxieties. I have been suicidal and don’t want to fall back into that.

PTSD – Still getting flashbacks and nightmares of the events in 2013. This increases my anxiety and depression.

Anxiety – Because i’m anxious all the time and have physical symptoms (sweating) and panic attacks means I often don’t go out, makes me feel guilty and stops me from doing the things i used to enjoy and this makes me depressed.

Health – Due to musculoskeletal issues I’m constantly in pain, which makes my mood low, I tend not to go and get anxious that if i do go out i’ll be in pain or make it worse and i’m not in the right mental state to face surgery on it. I’m on 13 tablets a day, which i know is a lot and proves to me everyday that i’m unwell and increases my depression and my anxieties. I’m very conscious of my hearing aids and how people might react to it.

It’s only a brief description of the things i need sorting, because theirs lots more involved and i’m not comfortable sharing or bringing up everything at the moment, hopefully will give people an insight into how everything is interlocked and overlapping. So when your focusing on one single issue the other issues get worse, and its like taking one step forward and 2 steps back. GP wants to know how i want to move forward with my treatment and what i want to focus on, but i really don’t know as everything is connected. Nothing is worse than anything else, they are all as bad as each other. Ideally would need to work on all of them at the same time to slowly reduce the effects but the Health system doesn’t appear to be set up to accommodate that.

Anxiety is Building Up

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Anxiety is building up and can feel i’m struggling / fighting off a panic attack. I’ve had a lovely few days with my parents who came to visit and i’m quite proud of myself i pushed myself a lot and survived big crowds and lots of decision making. Even though it was family i am very socially tired. Its kind of hard to explain, but when you’ve been active and been in a high anxious state for a while, you need a number of days to relax and chill out to get your anxiety and stress levels down. Something that i think has definitely improved compared to a couple of years ago, but does leave you feeling both mentally and physically drained.

I’m very worried/scared/anxious about getting the new Hearing aids. Have had a hearing aid for my right ear for just over a year now. And now I will be getting one for the left ear as well. After getting my first hearing aid, i realized how much i had been missing and felt so guilty and angry at myself for not realizing it earlier. I don’t know If having 2 hearing aids will make the alot of difference or not to what i can hear, hopefully will, but nervous about it all the same. Then there’s the interaction with the hearing aids and the TV, Telephone and mobile phone. Will i then need adaptations to use these? (TV Loop System, Special hearing aid compatible phones). Its a lot of unknowns and i know there’s nothing i can do about it until i get the hearing aids fitted, but i’m still panicking over it anyway. There’s a part of me that’s exciting about it, i know how much a difference my first hearing made.

Then as we go into April, benefits are reviewed and changed. Monthly payments for bills (Gas, Elec, Water) Have been changed as well. I wont know whats happening or whats going out and what if anything i’ll be left with after. I hate talking money and fiances and really dislike change. Again I know there’s nothing i can do right here and now, but i’m panicking about it.

I So which there was a simple switch to turn off my emotions, I really do hate feeling this way and still feel so very guilty that I’m mentally unwell. I always expect the worst, that way its a surprise if things are better than imagined, (Will need to talk about this to my counselor and see if we can do anything to work on it, it might come down to confidence issues again).

I Have looked into a number of disability pages and grants and to be honest its all very confusing and don’t really know where to start. Most of them you need an assessment or need to contact the charity/company directly, but when your scared of everything and really don’t like meeting people or talking on the telephone it leaves you a bit lost.

Hearing Aids – Update

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Had my audiology care transferred from Bolton Hospital to Bury Audiology. As this is a lot easier and closer for me to get to, making it quicker to get replacement batteries and to have the hearing aids re-tubed.

Bury Audiology had to do another hearing test today, which confirmed the results that I had last year at Bolton Hospital, however there was a decrease in my hearing on my left ear. Audiologist says that is normal as each test it might go up and down and is within the expected range.

She does however feel I would be better having hearing aids for both ears. So in 2 weeks time going back to have them fitted. They are the new ‘Wireless/bluetooth’ hearing aids, so they can ‘talk’ to each other and pick up the best sounds.

Will be another big change, but will take it in my stride. Who knew a bang to the head could do so much unexpected damage. Certainly didn’t expect to have to wear 2 hearing aids before my 34th Birthday!

Am not entirely sure how I feel about it, as I don’t like change, but trying to think about it positively. The retest results were a confirmation for me really, proving it wasn’t a one off. Hopefully my hearing will be a lot better in future and the fact it will be easier to get to the Audiology department, is really good. Saves time and travel costs. All in all a positive day.

Trouble Communicating

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I have trouble communicating. May sound very silly saying that while I’m writing a blog about my Road to Recovery. But communication isn’t just about talking. There’s hearing, talking, writing, feeling, expressing myself the list goes on, everyday we communicate with each other a vast number of ways and I have always struggled.

Hearing:

I am hard of hearing ans wear a hearing aid. I also suffer from tinnitus so being able to listen and understand people can be quite challenging at times especially in noisy environments.

Writing:

I suffer from Dyslexia and I admit have quite bad handwriting. When writing anything wether it be online or on paper, I tend to use words that I know. If I struggle to spell something I’ll tend to go round the houses and waffle alot to get my point across. Yes I know there are spellcheckers available, but when you have dyslexia you don’t always ‘see’ the letters in the words in the correct order. I can read ok, but somewhere in my mind after taking the information on it gets scrambled and doesn’t necessarily come back out correctly. I’ve struggled with dyslexia all my life and despite what my previous work managers its not something that can be cured or something I will grow out of.

Feelings:

Ive always been a person who hides there feelings since being bullied at school and throughout my life. Its easier for me to lock away my feelings rather than deal with them. Feelings are a major way to communicate e.g. of your angry, upset etc.. Since my breakdown I have been on antidepressants and anxiety medications and this further numbs my feelings. However through counselling I’m starting to explore feelings again.

Talking:

Again another one that seems strange for me to have difficulty with, having been in call centre jobs for almost 13 Years I’ve done a lot of talking on the phone, but that was business talk. Talking about me is whole different thing. I hate talking on the phone now days due to a number of factors, my long career of telephone jobs, my difficulties in hearing, the lack of seeing someone’s body language, anxiety to name a few. I don’t know what to say to people some times. At the moment I’m not working or socialising, so I don’t have a lot to say. I’m anxious I’ll say the wrong thing or my mood (which isn’t always uplifting!)  may come across. Its just easier to avoid things.

Expressing myself:

Its difficult for me to express myself due to the reasons above but also because I don’t have the confidence. I’m always afraid something bad will happen or what I’ve said or done will be taken in the wrong context. I’m not good, in fact I’m terrible in social settings. I’m always the quiet one stood in the corner of the room. I have a number of online friends that I know and chat to and would love to meet in person but with a lack of confidence and communication skills again its easier to avoid.

Outlet:

I do find that writing my blog posts or facebook/Twitter status is a big outlet for. There’s no time pressure, I can review things before I post them and in a way its how I can disconnect from myself to say how I’m feeling and share my anxieties.

Hopefully this post will give people a insight into myself and why I’m not always forthcoming with feelings, conversations or meeting up with people. Its not that o don’t care or that on lazy it genuinely is a struggle for me.

Asking for help

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After speaking with family down in London, Went to GP and told her that I didn’t think CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) Was right for me at this time, I needed someone I could talk through my thoughts and feelings with. So I Have been referred to ‘Healthy Minds Bury’, so will see what comes of that. Also mentioned that i’m having mood swings and that my mood is normally a bit flat / nonchalant mood. So have had my medication increased. (6 pills daily now).

Been going regularly to Bolton Hospital since January for the dizzy spells I’ve been having, from when I fell and hit my head. Although they found that i had damaged and lost my some of my hearing, Reason why i know wear a hearing aid, but it seems that the dizzy spells i have been having are a symptom of anxiety, but GP didn’t want to do anything else as that’ll be for the Healthy Minds team and medication to help control.

So fingers crossed, hopefully be able to move forward again.

Hearing aid update

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Well I had a hearing aid fitted 3 days ago on my right ear, and wow i’ve noticed a huge difference already. I didn’t realise how bad my hearing was, hearing all sorts of different ‘new’ sounds. Still learning all the new wonderful sounds. Some sounds are already getting on my nerves.lol (The fridge motor being one of them).

Is a huge adjustment, will have to go back to the hospital every 3 months from here on out. But nothing i cant handle, hopefully. In 3 months time the Audiology department want to fit another hearing aid on my left ear. My left ear has always had the best hearing, but even in the short time i’ve had the hearing aid, i’ve noticed that the hearing in my left ear isnt as good as i thought. So maybe once i have both i’ll be able to hear the world in stereo, scary thought.lol

Will take me awhile to get to used to wearing it, think that’s why they want to fit the other one in 3 months time. Feels strange having something in my ear all the time, and does sometimes get a little sore, but from what i’ve read and been told, is perfectly normal as its my ear shaping around the hearing aid and it will get used to it.

The ‘new’ sounds and my anxiety don’t really go well together. but at least when i’m having a panic over something I can hear I can put it down to being able to hear it now and hopefully will help my anxiety in some ways as will be able to hear things better so wont be as scared on the louder noises.

Still a lot to learn, another long road ahead of me.

hearing

Tinnitus & Hearing loss…

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Well new year and new problems, although hopefully on track to get it eased.

Been to see an ENT Specialist (Ear, nose and throat)  at the Royal Bolton Hospital. As i’ve had ringing in my ears since i hit my head back in 2013. Didn’t go well.

Having to have an MRI scan, as Doc things the bump to the head, might have shaken things up and the ear canals may have moved or been damaged, hoping not, but having the scan to rule it out.

They also did a hearing test and found i have moderate hearing loss in the left ear and severe hearing loss in the right ear. Normal hearing range is 0-20 decibels, I scored 35 in my left and 60 in the right ear. So will need a Hearing aid on my right side, which will be fitted in the coming weeks. Am not allowed to have a silent room, gotta have a radio/music/tv on in each room i go into, to help ease the Tinnitus and gotta have a special sound box to help with me falling to sleep.