Argh! Don’t know where to start or what to do for the best. I have so many different issues both physically and mentally that need addressing. I have noticed however all these issues overlap and interact with one another. The way the mental health team and the GP work is to focus on one issue at a time. Which in theory would be a good idea, but by doing this its causing different issues to get worse or has unintended consequences.

I have just finished an ‘Anxiety group Workshop’ course of treatment. To be honest I think it made things worse than it did in actually helping. It was good to find out and hear from others that they were experiencing the same anxiety symptoms as I was (although for different reasons) so I learnt that I wasn’t alone and that I shouldn’t be so scared of the symptoms of anxiety. But it did show how bad and deep my depression was, we had an exercise where we had to challenge ‘negative thoughts’ and turn them into positive ones. For example I’m nervous of going out of my flat. “Something bad will happen if I do” so we had to change it into a positive thought “something good will happen if I go out” but I found that although I could make up something and change it into a positive I didn’t actually believe it and just made me more depressed.

Things that need to be sorted:

Depression – Have had depression for around 15 years, It comes and goes but is always there. I was in an abusive relation for 6 years, in a job that i was constantly bullied in for 10 years. A lot of people have taken advantage of me and my good nature, which makes trusting new people difficult. Have struggled with coming to terms with my sexuality, and struggled with my disabilities – Dyslexia, Hearing loss, musculoskeletal issues, mental health issues. and often depressed about money. Feeling low increases my anxieties. I have been suicidal and don’t want to fall back into that.

PTSD – Still getting flashbacks and nightmares of the events in 2013. This increases my anxiety and depression.

Anxiety – Because i’m anxious all the time and have physical symptoms (sweating) and panic attacks means I often don’t go out, makes me feel guilty and stops me from doing the things i used to enjoy and this makes me depressed.

Health – Due to musculoskeletal issues I’m constantly in pain, which makes my mood low, I tend not to go and get anxious that if i do go out i’ll be in pain or make it worse and i’m not in the right mental state to face surgery on it. I’m on 13 tablets a day, which i know is a lot and proves to me everyday that i’m unwell and increases my depression and my anxieties. I’m very conscious of my hearing aids and how people might react to it.

It’s only a brief description of the things i need sorting, because theirs lots more involved and i’m not comfortable sharing or bringing up everything at the moment, hopefully will give people an insight into how everything is interlocked and overlapping. So when your focusing on one single issue the other issues get worse, and its like taking one step forward and 2 steps back. GP wants to know how i want to move forward with my treatment and what i want to focus on, but i really don’t know as everything is connected. Nothing is worse than anything else, they are all as bad as each other. Ideally would need to work on all of them at the same time to slowly reduce the effects but the Health system doesn’t appear to be set up to accommodate that.